Do you ever get those days where it just seems like the little, unimportant things that people do wrong seem to just be so massive?
That was my day today. I had to get up at 5 AM this morning to drive my father to the airport, so he can fly up to Tweed Heads for a relatives funeral, so I was already tired. To add to this some dickhead taxi driver cuts me off in the terminal and has the nerve to get out, stand in front of my car, yelling and carrying on about how I endangered his life and could’ve caused an accident, much to the dismay of the people queued up behind me trying to get out. I calmly smiled and nodded, then rather un-eloquently told him that I’d very much like it if he “got in his cab and went away”. (Read: Get back in your shitbox and fuck off, wanker)
How uneventful. Went home, slept for a while, got up, went to work. As usual. Of course I was ridiculously tired, and recently the anti depressants I’ve been on (Lovan, a no-name Prozac), haven’t been working as well as they should, so being tired and relatively drug-screwed, I basically took everything a lot harder than I probably should’ve. Especially the one of the women in the Vita department. She’s rude at the best of times, and today I just couldn’t handle it. I ended up slamming the shade guide against my clipboard, into the trolley… Ended up crying in the lunch room. I realize that anyone reading this probably is thinking “you emo, you stupid child” etc, but honestly, I couldn’t help it.
Then of course, I got to thinking about my kinda-ex-boyfriend, whose name is incredibly unique and will from here on in be referred to as “Phil”, and how he put me off our relationship through constant comparison. I mean, come on, I’m nowhere near emotionally stable enough to constantly be compared to ex boyfriends or “friends with benefits” of his, so I just “un”fell for him, if that’s possible at all. This is all more complicated than it sounds, with another boy, Todd, who lives in Orange, someone I liked before Phil, but sort of put out of my head seeing as how far away Orange is from my little home in Malabar (eastern Sydney, for those who aren’t geographically inclined), focusing all my emotional attention on Phil. I guess that’s why it hurt so much when I fell out of love with him, I mean… I’d sort of “got my hopes up” over him and all.
Now there’s Todd, in Orange, far more attractive than he’ll ever admit, far nicer than he seems to think, and in possession of more of my heart than I’m willing to admit. And, he’s got his own interests, in the form of Lucas, who lives in Bondi (also, co-incidentally, a suburb in eastern Sydney)… Someone like Todd wouldn’t ever be interested in some stupid, unstable, unattractive freak of a guy like me.I’m just not worth it.
Well, I think I’ve had my ranty bitch session for a night.
Andy.
